Are you dealing with an office crush or feelings for a friend? This can be a big problem if you’re in a committed relationship.
1. Do not allow yourself to fantasize about romance and sex with other people besides your spouse. Remember that infidelity starts with your ability to redirect your thoughts long before you have a need to control your body. Thoughts are the seeds of infidelity planted in your marriage. When you entertain the idea of cheating in your mind and allow yourself to be excited or aroused by the prospect…you have taken the first of many steps toward betraying and harming your spouse. Thought processes become patterns. If you don’t consciously practice thought patterns that protect your marriage, then destructive patterns will take hold instead. Have you ever had a thought of stealing something? Then, you think about the prospect of getting caught or being punished and you banish the thought from your mind, right? Or maybe you think about how being a thief is not the person you want to be and you banish the thought from your mind. Think of infidelity as emotional theft, with the same consequences to your life and character as any other kind of theft.
2. Don’t drink alcohol with coworkers, acquaintances, or strangers of the opposite sex. Alcohol (or other recreational drugs) lowers inhibitions and creates a much greater risk of crossing marital boundaries. So avoid going to venues without your spouse where alcohol and interaction with single people is encouraged….like bars, parties or gatherings after work hours.
3. Do not flirt. Flirting is always sexual. Flirting is for the sole communication of your attraction to another person and should be reserved for your spouse. Each time you flirt with another person, you have taken another step towards infidelity. When someone flirts with you, discourage it and avoid that person because it is their intent to fill your need for admiration and encourage you to cheat on your spouse. All affairs begin with flirting, and there is no such thing as innocent flirtation.
4. Assume you will get caught. Eventually almost everyone gets caught, and the pain and suffering it will cause your family is not worth the temporary ego boosting and pleasure. If you believe upfront that discovery is imminent, it will help you to resist the temptation. The smartest cheaters trip themselves up somewhere and give themselves away. The truth has a way of finding its way to the top, and has toppled some of the most powerful people in the world.
5. Imagine that your spouse is an audience. If he/she could hear and see everything you did throughout the day, how comfortable would you be? Imagine that your spouse is cc’d all of your emails, listening to your phone calls, or standing right beside you in your interactions with other people. How much harder would it be then to flirt or dismiss the pain you would cause by thoughtless actions?
- 6. Call a friend. In the heat of the moment when you feel tempted, call a friend. You can tell them about the situation so they can talk you out of it, or you can use them as a distraction to your desire. Once you get off the phone, you will likely have built up the courage to resist.
- You can say something like “Hey, remember when I was telling you about my coworker Alyssa? Well, she just invited me back to her place for drinks. I need you to talk me out of it.”
- You might even call your partner to talk to them, too.
- 7. Get to the root cause of your desire. Reflect on your desire to cheat. You might want to cheat because you’re not being pleased sexually at home. You and your partner might be fighting a lot lately, as well. Think about what is truly motivating your desires and then work to address them
